What is your definition of a stay-at-home mom (SAHM)?

I realize that I should also recognize a large reason I myself chose to stay at home to care for my children...my mother. She stayed home when my brother and I were young, despite the penalties (e.g., less retirement money, missed wages, lower salary base due to missed years of employment). She made us to feel more important than her career. I felt so loved and care for, I want the same for my girls. I want to replicate how I felt then for them. She appeared to love every moment being with us (even though I know realize that was probably not the case). Either really good acting on "bad" days or rose tinted glasses...perhaps a bit of both.



I distinctly remember feeling upset at her decision to return to work when we were both is school all day. Of course, I could not see the bigger picture, all I saw was my perspective...I still needed her and was afraid she would not be there for us anymore. Of course, over time her actions changed that flawed perspective....but it was how I felt initially. I want my girls to know how much I loved and still do love my job prior to having them, but that it will always be there waiting for me to return to it (luckily for me) when they no longer need me as they do now. I am willing to sacrifice the joy I get from being a apeech-language therapist for the infinitely more rewarding job of being a part of their everyday...even the long tough days. And although my choice is not right for everyone, it is right for my family.



Ok recognition given, (thank you mom!) now on to the next thought on my mind :)



So as I mentioned in my first post, I am reading a book by Penelope Leach titled "Child Care Today." In the chapter on child care provided by SAHM's ("Care by Full-Time Mothers"), she defines a SAHM as a woman "who cares for her own children without regularly using any type of child care and to the exclusion of paid employment." Does anyone reading have issues with this definition? I know I do...ok so she had to be specific and set some line in the sand, but come on now! I think a better definition would be a woman who is the primary childcare provider of her child(ren). Her definition would exclude a lot of SAHM's I know, including myself. I have 2 clients I see every weekend in their homes (oops I contribute financially!) and I regularly use the childcare center in the gym (oopps paid childcare how dare I). I know of moms who have home businesses that they do in the "spare" time, are they not SAHMs? So if I am not a SAHM then what the hell am I?? Discuss.......

I want that!

http://www.nydailynews.com/entertainment/americanidol/2009/05/21/2009-05-21_american_idols_bikinigirl_katrina_.html

Ok lets let the haters have their say about Katrina Darrell (the cocky American Idol "Bikini Girl"). And lets have the feminists have their say as well. Now let me tell you what I think.....


It bothers me that she is so cocky..I will admit that right off the bat...and perhaps that is her way of dealing with whatever insecurities she may have (and obviously her breasts were one/two because of her obvious, though seemingly well done, breast augmentation). Lets also be honest that she has a really nice body! Though I don't have her body, I wish I had a little of her confidence! I wish I could change in the gym's locker room without desperately trying not to reveal any skin. I mean what am I worried about? I have worked really hard at becoming more healthy and in shape...so why hide it?? Will I ever be satisfied with how I look? Many woman who I think look great and aspire to look like are also not happy with their bodies (or at least parts)....so maybe its unattainable.



Despite Katrina's cockiness and my dislike of it, I am far more bothered by the American Idol judge Kara DioGuardi (a slender beautiful woman...ideals in our society, no?). She was embarrassed of her body. This was evidenced by her quick flash (though for charity) and her multiple attempts to hold her dress shut. Why should she be so embarrassed to show off her body??? That really bothers me. Now, I am not advocating stripping or flashing. And lets be honest, she was not indecent...she was wearing a swimsuit and my girls will see just as much at the pool this summer. I like modesty just as the next mother of two young girls...but embarrassment? If you have decided to open your dress, then leave it open! Be confident!



That is what I want for myself and my girls. I guess I better start somewhere...do as I do, right? Next stop gym locker room.......oh, and for those who may actually see me attempt this at the gym, yikes!

My First Post....

Well here I go....and I'm sorry to say it won't be light material...but its on my mind and so here goes!

"Whatever the brief period between the end of WWII and the 1970's when sole full-time mother care was the social expectation or aspiration meant to children, it meant isolation and discrimination to many of their mothers and hastened it's own ending by helping to power them into the woman's movement....looking regretfully over our shoulders at a rose-tinted past stops us from making realistic assessments of the present or looking forward to how we could make a better future."

OK...so am I the only one who thought that the June Cleaver mother image (which I am held up to BTW) was longer standing than 30 some odd years??? I know my maternal grandmother worked but I though it was soley because my maternal grandfather was on disability. I also know my paternal grandmother worked but they owned a family deli so its not like my paternal grandfather was going to cook. So if this "ideal" of women leaving the workforce to raise children is only 30 years young...why does it feel like an old inflexible notion?? I am SO glad that my husband and I have the financial ability to live on one income and that I desire to stay at home raising my kids...please don't misunderstand. I just think that women or men should be supported by society, government, their families, and other mothers/fathers to choose what is best for their family and they should not be penalized as we now are no matter what choice we make. If a woman/man stays home and raises kids, she/he sacrifices both short term and long term financial gains, professional gains, personal goals, and sometimes social connections. If a woman works outside the home, than she is trying to juggle work and home demands, worries about her child's care and development in someone else's hands, sacrifices personal time to spend as much time with her kids as possible, and rushes always rushes. In our current societal climate, we can't get it right no matter what we choose.

"Although many women of your mother's generation found full-time mothering limiting and frustrating and that played its part in the woman's movement, their mothers and grandmothers had stayed at home as a matter of course...the experience was very different and far less isolating. Families used to be bigger, there were a surplus of women realitives living with you, and even poor families had servants."

So here again...June Cleaver defiantely did NOT have a big family, servants,or live-in female relatives sharing in the household chores and mothering tasks!! So how the hell did she get it all done? Maybe she didn't...it was TV after all (yes I do know reality from TVland...but come on!). Lets be honest...doesn't it make you feel inadequate when you can't keep up? I know I do...and now it seems it was a farse. A FARSE I tell you!!! And now lets reflect on how staying at home to raise kids (even if its what you want) can be isolating, frustrating, limiting and how that then makes a person feel........So here is where I give a gigantic shout out and thank you to my husband and mommy friends for keeping me sane!! Hallelujia for all of you! So it makes sense that stay at home moms (or dads for that matter also) really need a social network. Without one, well I don't think they would continue to stay home or remain happy for very long. So thank you again social network! I am so glad you are a part of my life.

Both excerpts taken from "Child Care Today" by: Penelope Leach, a book I have borrowed from the library and thus far have enjoyed reading.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/02/20/AR2009022003579_pf.html

http://www.nj.com/parenting/peggy_ocrowley/index.ssf/2009/02/parenting_guru_penelope_leachs.html