Wednesday, February 24, 2010

I am smart--I have a Mommy Brain

So the other day my eldest daughter said, "Mommy you aren't so smart." I became defensive immediately and probed on to find out her comment came from comments I had made about "not having as good of a memory as Daddy." Of course, I explained to her that Daddy has an exceptionally good memory, better than most, and that having a good memory wasn't the only way people are smart. Yada yada yada......

Which segues perfectly into a book I have just read, "The Mommy Brain; How Motherhood Makes Us Smarter" by Katherine Ellison. I just couldn't help but want to read this...because even though I was defensive at my daughter's comment I often wonder if I am losing my smarts. Good news....according to the research (mostly done on rats who have similar brains to humans) in this book I am not!!! Hooray!!! Anyone who says "I swear having kids has made me dumber," should read this book and cut themselves a break.....sleep deprivation, being overwhelmed at first at a new job with no manual and no training, and shock (what did I do?) can cause anyone to skip a step.

Here are just a few ways having children (according to research on rats) makes you smarter:
* perception (more sensitive to the sounds of your own child than others, improved visual perception--can spot a dangerous environment or situation)
*efficiency (multitasking--what mother especially of multiple children doesn't do this?, cognitive flexibility--able to think about things in new ways, being able to focus on the essential and ignore the irrelevant)
*resiliency (oxytocin hormone calms you---reduced reaction to stress, better memory due to oxytocin--ha ha, increased social networking)
*motivation (less fearful when necessary to take risks for your child's well being, aggressive towards a threat, motherhood causes you to re-examine your priorities and re-direct your energies)
*emotional intelligence (learning to care more about someone else needs than your own, figuring out a nonverbal child's wants and desires strengthens your ability to understand others feelings and motives---90% of communication is nonverbal anyway, increased empathy, increased self-restraint, improved conflict resolution skills).

"When asked which part of parenting helped most in her subsequent diplomatic career, former Secretary of State Madeline Albright answered, 'Getting people to play well together!' Mothering,that is, provided the groundwork for her expertise in managing a huge bureaucracy and supervising highly emotional negotiations over foreign conflicts. In doing so, she would often be reminded of 'children arguing and feeling that they can't understand the other person's side.'" (K Ellison)--Welcome to my everyday :)

All these "improvements" can be translated into skills for a job outside the home. We just need to see them as such. We need to advocate for ourselves. Perhaps we should start listing motherhood on our resumes.